6 Ways My 6 Year Old is Just Overall Better Than I Am

Good news, I got out of going to the fair...

After I wrote my last blog post I started to think about how  my blog is supposed to be a "Mommy" with a "Vice". Yet, all I have even mentioned was my "Vice" and not a lot about the "Mommy" aspect.

Like I said, I will give you my best - every time. Well my best, is at the fair without me.

Let me ridiculously clear, I am still extremely happy that I didn't have to go and I deserve the house to myself every once in a while. Even if it is to do chores and homework in private, at least it's peaceful. On the opposite end of the spectrum, my saint of a husband is battling crowds, dirt, screaming children, farm animals, and the constant requests to purchase things and play games that we certainly don't need and frankly can't afford-in the cold (sorry to anyone who doesn't live in Florida and is actually cold right now, but you chose to live there - and I'm not in the frame of mind to feel guilty about that too).

I do feel guilty though, even though I shouldn't. He gets the house to himself all the time! Olive runs around with me every where I go. She's like a walking-talking, pocketbook. Can't leave home without her. Even when I try (which is relatively always). Any time that I'm not home, he gets the house to himself. When I leave, she wants to come with me, and when he leaves she wants to stay with me.  It's a catch 22.

It's okay though, because I am raising my future best friend.

Isn't it ridiculous that there are men and women out there who are married, financially stable, college graduates that can't have kids; yet a 19 year old waitress, who has no idea which way is up, gets to? It's not fair, but it was meant to be.

These are only some of the ways I know that this magical creature is better than I am ...

1. She is More Brave Than I Ever was.. Ever
(Maybe not as brave as the lady weighing in at Publix this afternoon, but brave nonetheless.)

Splash Mountain at 4 Years Old

This morning, Olivia came into my room while she was getting ready for "Favorite Book Character Day" at school. She told me that she finally told the boy she likes, that she likes him.

What? I had a full-length conversation with her in the car on the way home from school yesterday. Maybe it was only 6 minutes long, but whatever it was pretty in-depth. We talked about who sat with who at lunch and.. what they ate.
Maybe it wasn't that in depth, but I left the door to conversation open.

Anyway, she just blurted out to some kid in her class that she likes him. Mind you I have NEVER heard this kid's name come out of her mouth before this morning, I actually can't even remember what his name is; but she told him. I remember having a crush on the same kid from Kindergarten until the day before he told me he liked me in 5th grade. I never uttered a word of it!

My instinct was to tell her, "What are you crazy? Why would you tell him that?" Then, I didn't.

God knows I didn't necessarily do everything the right way, so who am I to tell her that her way is wrong?

So.. I spent the next 20 minutes running a quick Google search on boy-crazy 6 year olds - and I've moved past it.

2. She is a special kind of smart... 

I was in gifted when I was in Elementary and Middle School. Gifted down here means, essentially you are in accelerated classes throughout your entire 12 year Public School Career. Back home in the 90's, all it meant was that you skipped TV time, or reading, or some other un-necessary and fun activity, to go do puzzles and solve riddles in the library with people who were smarter than you.

Anyway, because of the ego-boost from being labeled as a "gifted" child, I always just went with it. Going about life, thinking I was smart. It worked for me.

This kid, she's a special kind of smart.

One of the recent 'tiffs' we had was her sassy-talk-back crap. We would always tell her "Don't Talk Back" or "Don't Be Fresh". Did it stop her?

No. It didn't.

One day, around Halloween we said it again. This time, having being tired of hearing it I could only assume, she responded "I Don't Know What Talking Back Means!"

...Wait a minute...

I distinctly remember never knowing what that meant myself. I never really knew what it meant until my daughter started to do it about a year ago. How was she supposed to know?

Better yet. Why didn't I ever point out to anyone that I had zero-zilch-nada idea what they were talking about????  And why on earth would I turn around and use it with my own kid!

Well... The age old problem of only adult-hypocrit parents knowing what the phrase, "don't talk back" really means... Was solved by my kid. 

(Now we have a safe word. It's Pumpkin [that's how I knew this happened in October]. Whenever she talks back, we say PUMPKIN, and she has to stop talking no matter what else is on her mind. She can reflect back on what she just said - and therefore understand that - whatever that was - was the definition of talking back). 

3. She is HILARIOUS

An actual picture of her spelling test. 

If you think these blog posts are funny... (the optimistic me would hope so) you should meet my kid. Her hilarity is most of the reason why she molded into sassy. Her responses to some of our scoldings, made us Laugh Out Loud. It's much easier to judge other parents for not appropriately responding to their children, than it is to appropriately respond to your own. 

This is getting a little long.. so I'll try to wrap it up.

She was about 2.5 years old when this story took place. Will, Emily and I were all out on the patio eating dinner, and arguing about Justin Bieber. Why my husband was arguing with an 11 year old about how Justin Bieber isn't a "real artist" is a question I can never answer. 

The argument started to get a little heated, to a loud-talking level when Olivia blurted out (screaming) "Everybody QUIET!... SHHHHH" and once everyone got quiet - she let out an exacerbated, quiet and frustrated "F*$k....".

This is the kind of stuff that I'm talking about! She was two! It didn't even sound right. How don't you laugh at that? Of course we tried,  but common. Give me a break.

4. She Loves With Every Inch of Her Heart

I know there are parents out there who feel as if the Santa thing is "lying", or "cruel". My response to that is this... You're ridiculous.

Sorry, but really? It's not that serious, you need to calm down.  If you are in a situation where you can provide an amazing Christmas experience for your children, it is absolutely your obligation to do so.

There will be plenty of time for politics and anger towards the world later in life... let this moment live as long as possible.

I'm off on a tangent again but, as a matter of fact... I bet when you heard all those horror stories about children being mad at their parents when they found out, news flash: that was because they were mad that they found out... not mad they were lied to. 

Anyway, when Olivia was in Pre-School - she asked Santa for three things for Christmas. Three.

She went to a private pre-school; with children who socially belonged in a private pre-school. She didn't socially or economically belong there. The fact that all year long, every time she asked for something in the store or wanted something  she saw on TV, my response was "Ask Santa", and then the time comes to really ask Santa and she asked for only three things? That's special.

Olive opening her Easy-Bake Oven. 

1) An Easy-Bake Oven ... and yes we were aware she would use it once and it would go back up into the closet for the remainder of eternity

2) A Picture of her Family 

3) Flowers

So, Santa obliged. That year for Christmas, among her pile of toys was in fact, an Easy-Bake Oven, a Picture of her Family and a Fresh Bouquet of Flowers.

When she woke up and walked into the living room and saw the pile of presents (wrapped in Santa paper, because that's how Santa wraps ALL his presents) ... she walked over to the bouquet of Flowers, then... she turned around to hand them to ME. She said she didn't know how else to buy me something for Christmas because she doesn't have any money.

If there is not a tear welling up in your eyeball right now, you're dead inside. (MVP)

5. She Doesn't Give Up

I remember myself hating cheerleading... and swimming... and dance... and the list goes on and on. There actually isn't much I enjoyed doing, come to think of it. And Olivia has followed in my footsteps - we have been having a hard time picking something she likes to do.

Last year, for God only knows what reason, we joined a COMPETITION cheerleading squad so Olivia could have a little taste of Cheerleading.

FYI if you want to have a "taste" of something, don't join a contractual Cheering Obligation that requires you to travel all over the state and PURGE money. 

It was the very last competition of the season and Olivia finally had a "stunt". She was so ridiculously excited about it, it made ME nervous.

Then, when the time came, she ran to the wrong side of the floor and missed her stunt.

She broke down in tears. In front of the team, judges, her coach... it was essentially the entire auditorium. She looked at her coach who told her it was okay and motioned for her to keep going. And guess what... she kept going. Not me, I would've ran off the stage and out the back door. Good thing she didn't look to me because, those were the motions I was making - the running man, and waving my hand for her to exit stage left.

She finished the routine, they won Second Place (they didn't have a shot at first anyway, because first place's entire team could do synchronized back hand springs), and she finished the season. Even though she didn't like it, and she didn't want to. She didn't give up.




6. She's A Really Good Dancer

(If you skip forward to 1 minute you'll be glad that you stuck around)

Well, that's all I've got to say about that. 

No Uterus, No Opinion

Ever since I started this blog, all I can think about is things to write about. Not all I can think about, I actually have a lot of stuff going on, but it's been in the back of my mind. I don't like my first blog post very much and by the time you get around to reading it, I likely will have deleted it.

I don't like it because it wasn't my best work. I was holding off for the good stuff until an assignment came due where I could use it. After I posted it, there was no sense of accomplishment. I actually was afraid of people I know in real life finding it. That's no way to start a blog.

Then... I started thinking. Why would I write it if it isn't worth reading? Why write anything at all? Well, I'm changing my ways! I will challenge myself to write my best post every time, my freshest idea with no Aces up my sleeve.

So, in the midst of my Friends-Netflix-Binge-Watching (to be referred to as FNBW from here on out) I started to write down the things that made me laugh, the things that I think of when I'm at work and laugh out loud to myself causing people to look at me strangely. In the midst of today's - I'm-overwhelmed-and-freaking-out session, one of those funny quotes came to my mind.

It came to me when I was perusing my body washes in the shower. I noticed one from Victoria Secret (Christmas Present) that I haven't used yet. As I was frothing up my loofah - boom - there it was. A perfect scenario to present to you. Then, as I went to test my new smell, I got soap up my nose and laughed out loud to myself, and with no one around to look at me strangely, I realized how perfect it really was.

No Uterus, No Opinion

(You get a Mommy's Vice Point [to be referred to as MVP from here out out] if you know what I'm talking about. On a side note, at first I was going to call it a "Taryn Point" or "TP" but I figured it would be better to be confused with "Most Valued Player" than "Toilet Paper". Haha... )

Today at work I listened into a seminar on "Gender Communication Gaps in the Workplace". The presenter spoke on the different ways that men and women communicate in general, and then specifically in the workplace.

The topic that came to mind with soap up my nose, was the one where - most of the time, women don't want advice. We want to talk, we want to be listened to, we want to listen, we want to share - yet, we don't want to be judged or be told what to do.

On the other hand, men want to fix problems. HENCE the communication gap.

Essentially, when I have too much homework left, too much work I left behind today - to the point that I'm waking up in the middle of the night to e-mail myself things I forgot to do today, and at SOME point in this crazy week I still need to take my daughter to the fair (barf - I absolutely hate the fair, but that is for another day). When my house is a disaster and there is nothing in the fridge, I don't really want to know what you think about it.

This is what I want...

Option A) Stay quiet, nod in agreement with me and give me a hug until I can catch my breath, or

Option B) Ante up.

The thinking started up again. Do I ever want advice from anyone? Does anyone ever want advice from anyone? I feel as if, when we need the advice or when we have a question, we seek it out. And most of the time, the sentence starts with either "I need advice" or "I have a question".

Example: "I need some advice, I want to be better at my job. I need to know where I can improve" or,
"I have a question, can I just copy images off the internet into my blog without specific citations?"

And, when the answer to that question is to utilize Google Image Search Tools, "Labeled for Re-Use"  and then you search "No Uterus, No Opinion" and you find disgusting pictures of actual female organs, nuns, and Sarah Palin... you (actually talking about you, not me this time) get a picture of my cat in the sink when I'm trying to brush my teeth at 7AM on a Monday.

The One where She’s Obsessed with “Friends”

So, between helping my mother up from her wheelchair, sleeping wrong (it happens) and a terribly stressful week, I woke up on a weekend day unable to move my upper body. I’ve had a child. Naturally (Stupid, Stupid, Stupid). This pain was a 9.3 out of 10. I’ve chalked it up to a stiff neck, but it actually started in my Thoracic Spine (depicted below)… so just relax before you call me a big baby.

Not only could I not move my head without pain... I could not move my arms, my neck, my shoulders, or my fingertips without feeling something terrible. I am a big proponent for visiting your family doctor before hauling a$$ (this blog IS a school project) to the ER. This pain was about half a second from being - ER necessary. My husband had to lift me out of bed (not easy considering I was of no assistance) in order for me to go to the bathroom. Whatever, the point is, it was a "Bed Day". 

There are tons of TV shows out there that I could binge-watch on Netflix. For starters, I still haven't seen Sons of Anarchy or House of Cards. Both "amazing", or so I have heard from fellow TV addicts. 

Did I broaden my horizons on this 24th day of January? The answer is No. I watched the 7th season of "Friends". Twenty Four episodes at Twenty-Two minutes per episode, thats 8.8 hours of "Friends" episodes, that I've already seen.

In my prior blog post, I made two contradictory statements. Sorry about that, but I'm human. With regard to "Gone Girl" I said there was no reason to read it if you have already seen the movie, essentially stating that the point of the story is the end and if you already know the end, there is no point. THEN, with regard to "Me Before You" I pointed out that it didn't have anything to do with the ending, it was the story that counted. So what's more important? The story itself, or the end of the story? 

Is that the thing that separates good TV from mediocre TV? Is it what separates amazing books from average reads? Does it separate award-winning movies from those that receive no recognition? I don't know. 

Regardless, I watched 22 episodes of a TV show I own on DVD. I must point out that I didn't purchase the ten seasons of "Friends" when they were on sale Black Friday at $9.99 a season. I purchased (and was gifted) these seasons when they were between $25 - $40 a season. All ten. Then, on top of it, I also have DVD specials including, "The One with All the Babies", "The One with All the Weddings", and "The One with All the Birthdays". Oh yea, I also have "The Best of Friends" Volumes 1 - 4. Obviously I got all the specials before I became the owner of all ten seasons, but it doesn't make me feel any better about my obsession. 

That being said, on Saturday January 24, 2015 ... knowing everything I know and owning everything I own, I laid in my bed binge-watching "Friends" on Netflix. One, because we purchased a Smart TV for our bedroom on Christmas, so it was way easier watch ANYTHING on Netflix than surf the channels. Two, because the quality on Netflix is a lot better than the DVD's I own (that are now completely unnecessary and obsolete) and, last but not least, for me and "Friends", it's about the story. 

For instance, a few days earlier I watched, "The One with Joey's Fridge". I know the plot of that episode like the back of my hand. Joey's fridge breaks and he eats all the food that was in it so it doesn't go bad, all the while trying to get all of his friends pay to replace it. That's the layout of the episode, but that's not what makes it awesome. What makes it special is the laugh-out-loud (literally, not "I have nothing else to say so I'll write LOL") moment when Joey pushes Ross into his Fridge and tells him that he broke it and has to pay for it. Better yet, when Joey points out to Rachel that it is no coincidence that the fridge breaks right after she moves in. Joey asks her what that really means, and she responds, "That refrigerators don't last as long as people?". This is also the episode where this happened... 

The scenes I've mentioned are some of the funniest moments in Television History (as far as I am concerned). Had I skipped past that episode, because I knew what was going to happen, I wouldn't remember the funny moments. It's about the story. This I know is true. 

Here's some highlights... If you want to watch the full thing (highly and desperately suggested) it's episode 19 in Season 6. 

You can thank me later.

It's like watching TV in your mind... 7 Audio Books to get you started

One of the major pitfalls I have experienced as a full time Mom, Wife, Employee and Student is the lack of time I have to do anything else. I love books. Well, I love some books. The problem with books is that they require your full, undivided attention. That or, you find yourself finishing a chapter and having no idea what just happened. Forget the associated guilt with knowing I have textbooks to read;  I really have no business sitting down with a story-book.

So, anyway, because I like to solve my own problems, I got an account at Audible.com. It was ridiculously attractive because you get a free book. I had all intentions on cancelling my membership within the first thirty days (because I’m cheap) but soon realized that it was a really good deal! Not –public library- good, but good nonetheless. For $14.95 a month, you get one book credit plus 30% off any additional books you want to listen to. I would hold out a month for any of the expensive books and just pay for the ones that were less than the $14.95 membership fee.

Here's the Flow Chart (without the chart)

Is the book more than $14.95? Wait until next month and purchase with my credit.

Is the book less than $14.95? Buy it now.

I eventually got sick of waiting… so I upgraded to two books per month because…

(That's what I'm like)

I’m getting off topic.

Listening to someone else read - is still a book I’ve read. This way, I can multi-task! I can read while I drive, read while I clean, read while I do laundry, etc. Although, I must warn you that if you try to read while you work… there is a strong possibility you will do neither one of those things effectively.

So, without further ado, I would like to introduce you to 7 must “reads” to get you started…

7.  “Bossy Pants” By Tina Fey – 5 Hours 35 Minutes

This is a great starter Audio Book because Tina Fey Narrates it herself. It's like watching a documentary in your mind. She’s funny and I like funny people.

6. “Thirteen Reasons Why” By Jay Asher – 6 Hours 24 Minutes

The book is a boy listening to tapes. It’s awesome because you get to listen with him, instead of read about how he’s listening to tapes.  The main character is Clay, he gets a box on his doorstep containing cassette tapes that were recorded by a classmate that recently committed suicide. There are thirteen reasons why (in case you were wondering), and he is one of them. I saw it at Target in the "Young Adult" section, it made me feel good about myself. 

5. “Where She Went” By Gayle Forman – 5 Hours 21 Minutes

I didn’t read “If I Stay” By Gayle Forman, because I watched the movie. I can’t know what is going to happen and then happily proceed with reading (who does that?)– in my opinion there is no point. On the bright side, this book hasn’t been made into a movie yet! Problem solved.

4. “Gone Girl” By Gillian Flynn – 19 Hours 11 Minutes

Good read, unless you've seen the movie. The book is better; as most book are. If you have seen the movie, skip it – it’s only good because you want to know what happens so badly you keep listening.

3. “The Silent Sister” By Diane Chamberlain – 11 Hours 39 Minutes

I just finished this one, definitely in my top three. In this one, a young woman discovers a family secret or two after her father suddenly passes away. Don’t read the description, it’ll be better if you don’t read the description. Plot twists galore! On top of it… Audible has changed the name to “The Silent Sister: Riley MacPhearson, Book 1”. That indicates a Book 2!

2. “What Alice Forgot” By Liane Moriarty – 13 Hours 32 Minutes

Love this one! Twenty-nine year old newlywed Alice, wakes up to find out that she’s actually 39 and apparently a completely different person. Don’t read the actual description of this one either. It’s a real eye-opener, makes you wonder what your younger self would think of you now.

1. “Me Before You” By Jo Jo Moyes – 14 Hours 40 Minutes

Epic. A woman takes a job caring for an angry, bossy, and handsome quadriplegic about her age. You can imagine where this one goes. It’s not about the ending; it’s about the story.

You can thank me later. Happy “Reading”.

My daughter is fine...

Told you I would delete it. Maybe you should have found this blog sooner... :)